He loves me anyways

I learned at a young age how to protect my reputation. I quickly picked up on what the world considered popular, desirable, and made note of how to keep up appearances for my peers sake. I couldn’t control what was taking place at home growing up or in my long-term relationship, so I made sure I would control the narrative for the rest of the world. I was excelling both in academics and sports, madly in love with my high school boyfriend, and had the best of friends - or so I wanted the world to think. I first opened my heart to the receiving the love of Christ in September of 2020, and the thought that I could come to Him with dirty hands was so foreign to me. As I had done so many times before, I talked myself into believing that I could fool God and show up as this perfect daughter, smiling on the outside while spiraling internally. Why would such a good and perfect Father love me? Someone who deeply struggled with insecurity, gossip, sexual immorality, anger, and so many other things. If there is anything in the Bible that I relate to, nothing beats the story of the woman at the well in John chapter 4. Trying to retrieve water for her household she encounters Jesus and then the most beautiful thing happens - her life is changed forever. Jesus’s dialogue with the women proves He already knew who she was, what sins she’s committed, and He loved her anyways. She repents of her sins and fleas to tell her family, friends, and neighbors about our Savior.

John 4:39-42

Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. and because of his words many more became believers They said to the woman, “We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.

How beautiful is it that your praise can lead to so many other people’s breakthrough? And bare with me here - no sin is too great and you are never too far gone to run home to Him. Look at the hall of faith in Hebrews 11. God uses prostitutes, liars, murderers, thief’s, and addicts. What makes you think He won’t use you as well? It’s perfectly okay if your testimony is R rated, God loves it when his children come to Him, even with dirty hands. As someone who worked so hard to cover up every blemish in her life, I now breathe freely sharing my story and how God is using all of that for good. I boldly proclaim my love for Christ and how He has given me eternal life, cleansing me from everything I had been so desperately trying to hide from the world. He knows I fight off insecurity. He knows that I’ve fallen short with sexual purity. He knows that I’ve been angry and withheld forgiveness. He knows me. And He loves me anyways.