Time and Time Again

Time and time again I have heard of God's promises. I think that was one of the first things He used to draw me closer, the promises of hope, joy, purpose, and love. To put it candidly, since I began walking with Christ I haven't seen these said promises come into fruition in the ways I was expecting them to. Until recently. I'm not saying that Christ isn't faithful or that He doesn't keep His promises, I'm saying that I hadn't been still long enough to ever truly receive them. I've been an emotional wreck the past month or so, and call it what you want, but I'll call it sanctification. I spoke in my last blog about finding the wonder behind "why" and my most current why reminded me that time and time again, He is faithful. I graduated college and immediately jumped into a career where I was needed. Not needed in the sense that there was a position available, but needed because these children truly needed someone to walk by their side and help them figure out this crazy world. I was thrilled, ecstatic even. Until I was one week into the job and I walked out during my lunch break. I was devastated, stressed, and so embarrassed. How was I going to pay my bills? How was I going to explain to friends and family that I couldn't even last one week in the field I just spent nearly five years studying? I knew from a young age that I wanted to help children. I also knew at this point in my faith that Christ would use things from my childhood so that I may be a beacon of hope for other children walking through similar things I did. So, why was this happening? I spent weeks looking at scripture, all telling me the same thing, that Christ would keep his loving eye on me (Psalm 32:8) and that this newfound disappointment was not the ending of my dreams but rather just a bump in the road (Psalm 37:23-24). I gave myself six months to take a breather from the corporate world and try again after my hiatus. My dear friend Aubrey found me a nannying position so that I would be financially comfortable until I figured out my next steps. I would've bet you money that the pages in my bible would fall out from being soaked in tears, I couldn't understand why Christ would give me such a desire to work with children but then tell me to just sit and be still. How could I be still knowing that there are so many children and families out there who needed help? And then one of my favorite things happened, I had a "but God" moment. Rightfully so, I picture Him puffing his chest and giving me an "I told you so" smirk. Through all the tears, prayers, and waiting, I was accepted into CityBridge Church's institute program to learn vocational ministry. And that nannying job? Is going to be flexible enough to work with my institute schedule so I don't have to find another job to support me while I'm studying. Of course, He gave me such a strong heart for hurting children. Of course, He is going to use what others used to try and hurt me (Genesis 50:20). Of course, He is going to ask me to sit still (Exodus 14:14). I'm going to be spending 10 months learning the Gospel so that I may share it with children and families, in a way I so desperately needed growing up. And the fact that I know it has absolutely nothing to do with me but all to do with glorifying Christ in the process makes it so much sweeter. Time and time again, He has proven he'll do just what He says.